That's right my peeps, yesterday I finished the novel that everyone claims to be amazing and w00terful:

Twilight

That was a weekful of reading I'll never get back.

Seriously though, that had to be one of the worst books I've ever read. Bella was a shallow, selfish bitch who was dangerously obsessive with Edward. Edward was amazing- AT EVERYTHING. GAWD. I was SO tired of reading 'Was there NOTHING he couldn't do? *swoon*' Flaws are nice. They are realistic, they can contribute to the conflict, and they are entertaining. Also, I didn't like the message "HOT = AWESOME, UGLY = BAD"

Chapter 1 was literally "BAAAAAAAAAAAAW FORKS SUCKS. BAAAAAAAAAW I'M UGLY. BAAAAAAAW UGLY KIDS WANT TO TALK TO ME. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW WHY WON'T THE HAWT KIDS LOOK AT MEH?! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW."

Lovely opener, neh?

There "Love" was nothing but unhealthy obsession. Edward stalked her at night; he watched her friggen sleep. She passes this off as flattering. ?!?!?!DX?!?! OMG EDWARD ISN'T IN SCHOOL TODAY WHUT DO I DUUUUU?!!?

Stephenie Meyer needs to work on her writing. She is NOWHERE near "TEH GR8ST RITR EVER!1!!!" as some has claimed her to be. Her writing reminds me of fanfiction. I'm not exaggerating, I've actually read better fanfiction. That's sad. And hey, everyone loves Word, but let's not overuse that left-click synonyms trick you learned in college. Little words can make a big effect. Chagrin? Your targeted age group is most likely not going to know what that means. Another thing that ANNOYED me was her overuse of the word AGGREVATION. I know it means the same thing, but 'aggrevation' is informal. It's okay in dialoge, but when it came to Bella's thoughts, annoyed would have worked better.

The plot was overall lacking. And the characters- UGH. Undeveloped things that were only there as footholds for Bella. The only character I actually liked was Charlie. That's it. And Bella was a bitch to him too. She didn't even apologise to him after she crushed his spirit. She took advantage of Jacob, and her other 'friends', she treated like crap. Edward was just BORING.

Meyerpire: the essence of suck. I would excuse the sparkles (maybe) if they did something- like blinded people or paralyzed them. That would be pretty cool. But they just sparkle! I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS F*CKERY.

GAWD.

Waste of time, really. Read it if you want a good laugh- or cry.